Regret
by love.to.smile
Summary: How can Monica marry someone else when she knows she still loves Chandler and regrets not doing anything about it sooner... MONDLER please R&R .. rated T just incase:P
1. Regret

_Disclaimer- I don't own anything/anyone unfortunately_

_All right well this is a Mondler fic. It's like AU so ok well here it is hope you like it  _

**Monica sat at the table in Central Perk, twirling her engagement ring around her finger. She couldn't believe it. She was getting married. She had been waiting for this her whole life but now that it had arrived it wasn't what she had expected. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to be feeling like this, cold feet? No, it was more then that.  
She loved Josh and all, but could she picture a future with him?  
"Sure I can," she told herself. She shut her eyes and smiled. Kids, a home, a family and… Chandler.**

**She opened her eyes. He was the only one she could picture herself growing old with. But it was over. But then she reminded herself that nothing could be over if it hadn't even started.  
Monica hated herself for thinking this. She had been with Josh for over a year and he was willing to give her everything, but here she was thinking about some guy she used to know. **

**4 years before**

**"You have to tell him how you feel," Rachel told Monica sitting in Monica's apartment.  
"There's no point in telling him, he wont feel the same way," Monica replied sadly.  
"You don't know that. I can see it, you two are perfect for each other," Rachel assured her.  
Monica smiled, "you're right. I have to tell him. Next time I see Chandler I will tell him how I feel".**

**Later on that day**

**Chandler opened the door to Monica's apartment. Monica sat at her table nervously hoping Chandler would drop in.  
"Hey Chandler," Monica said standing up.  
"You won't be able to guess what I just found out," Chandler said excitedly.  
Monica smiled, "probably not, what happened?"  
"I just got offered a job in Tulsa, its perfect. It will be the opportunity of a life time!" Chandler exclaimed.  
"Tulsa? Are you going to go there?" Monica said motionlessly.  
"Of course. What do I have to loose. It will be great there," Chandler said as he leaned in and hugged Monica.  
With Chandler's arms around her she felt her throat burn. Her eyes teared up but she stared blankly at the wall, trying not to blink, afraid to show how upset she was.  
"Congratulations," she forced herself to say.  
"Thanks Mon. I have to go tell the others, ill see you later," he said as he headed out the door.  
When he left her apartment she let her tears roll down her cheeks regretting what may have happened if she had told him that she had fallen in love with him even just a day before.**


	2. Trying To Forget

Monica's thoughts were interrupted as Josh came through the door.

"Hey hunny," Josh said as he leaned closer Monica and kissed her softly.

"How are you?" she said sweetly.

"I had the worst day at work, nothing seemed to go right but now that im here with you everything's great," he said sitting down.

Monica smiled, how could she let herself picture life with someone else. Josh was one of the sweetest guys in the world, he cared about her, and loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

"So, can you believe we're going to be married in 2 months!" Josh said in an excited voice. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Monica said as her mind wandered away from their conversation.

She remembered when Chandler used to say if they both weren't married by the time they were 40 they would get married. She wondered what Chandler was doing at this moment. Did he have a girlfriend, was he married with kids in Tulsa. How could she have let herself fall out of contact with him? He was her former best friend who she hadn't spoken to in years, yet she still believed that she loved him. She wished she could go back in time and do something about it. But she couldn't and she knew it. She had been thinking about it so much lately, she hadn't been able to sleep for nights. She would just lie in bed thinking about him, even though the only thing she wanted was to forget about him. Forget about how much she loved him. Forget about all the pain it caused her when he left. Forget about the fact that he didn't even know how much she had loved him all these years.

"Monica, are you ok?" Josh asked. "You seem kind of distracted today."

"I'm fine. Just tired. Do you mind if I go back to our apartment and have a rest?" Monica asked.

"Ok, ill come home a bit later. I have some stuff to do anyway," Josh said kissing Monica on the forehead as she got up from the table.

Monica lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Her head pounding harder as she heard the clock next to her tick away for what seemed to be hours. She heard someone knock on the apartment door. She struggled to lift her head from her pillow but eventually managed.

Rachel and Phoebe walked in when Monica opened the door.

"Hi guys," Monica said in an expressionless voice.

"Are you ok?" Rachel asked.

"Im fine," Monica said unconvincingly.

"Are you sure?" Phoebe said.

"No, im not sure. It's Chandler," Monica said she broke down in tears.

"Sweetie, what's the matter?" Rachel asked as Phoebe put her arm around Monica's shoulder.

"I don't know. I can't explain it. I miss him so much. I don't understand why I cant just forget about him its been 4 years since I last saw him," Monica said her voice shaking.

"He was a big part of our lives for such a long time. None of us will ever forget him but we have to accept that he isn't part of our lives anymore," Phoebe said not knowing what else to say.

"You don't understand. I loved him. I can't let it go… I can't let him go," Monica explained as she felt a cold tear roll down her face.

"Monica, I think you already have let him go. I think you let him go when you met Josh. You moved on a long time ago and your getting married. Why are you so upset all of a sudden, thinking about Chandler? You're getting married, it like your starting a new life, a new life with Josh," Rachel tried to comfort her.

"I think that's why it's all coming back. I only imagined getting married to Chandler. I know it sounds stupid considering we weren't even dating or anything but I knew him for so long. I loved him for so long, then one day he was just gone and all I had left of him was a memory. I just wish I had told him before he left... before it was too late," Monica said her voice fading quieter.

"I know sweetie, but you just have to try and forget about it," Rachel said as both her and Phoebe gave her a hug.


End file.
